You may have 100 reasons to leave your marriage but I have one reason you should stay.
At least until you understand what it was you have attracted you to him enough to handover full power and authority for your happiness.
Until you know this you will never be fully free or happy.
Does it sound a little harsh?
Experience tells me it is very fair I have seen too many women throwing their hands up leaving the tea towel on the kitchen table and heading for pastures new only to find that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side or worse still they are scared to walk barefoot on the grass for fear of being bitten once again.
Oh yes, I am very much for a happy ending and that is yours for the taking when you are ready to take responsibility for your happiness and lean into the idea that every decision you have ever made has brought you to where you are today.
So leave by all means but only after you have learned how to makes yourself happy from the inside out.
Only after you realise it isn’t your husband’s job to keep you happy
Only after you are prepared to admit that a marriage takes two to make it or break it and you know exactly what unhealthy habits and beliefs you brought to the marital table.
Only after you have learned the truth — that only you can make YOU happy.
Only after you have worked out what it will take for you to be happy.
Only after you have taken a journey inwards and become as well acquainted with yourself as you are with all your husband's faults.
The state of your marriage says as much about you as it does about your husband, it seems easier to pick fault with your one time Prince Charming than to face this one simple truth. It may be that you know this to be the case and that is why it is so difficult to admit that there are problems.
This is where you find the golden nuggets which you will later use to re-ignite your love life (with or without your current partner) and create the firm foundations for a life you love.
Certainly you may well leave before you have gone through this process of self-recognising and you may well find happiness in the next man you meet and the next and the next, but freedom and true happiness will never be yours until you have become sufficiently acquainted with yourself to know how to make yourself happy and how to lose the reliance on outside influences, people or material goods to dictate your happiness.
When my clients say I am feeling hopeless about my marriage and ask me what they should do — my answer is “Do nothing, absolutely nothing for the moment.
That is - Stop doing what you are doing, put your relationship and your partner to one side for the moment and concentrate on you.
The truth is we create our own happiness and then we go about attracting people into our lives at that level, so if we have low expectations guess what we aren’t going be inundated by offers from well adjusted, well positioned, healthy, loving individuals. So if we believe we are unworthy, unlovable or that it is dangerous to give our trust to a man then we will surely, without doubt, attract someone who has matching beliefs or fears.
You have set the bar and only people who are at the same level are attracted by it, so before throwing in the towel and taking your chances out there in the big bad dating world why not work out how to raise your bar to a level where it hits own happiness levels and see if your husband is willing to meet you there.
What will that take I’m asked by my wide eyed and curious clients.
Simple I say, it will take becoming the empowered women you were always supposed to be.
It will take becoming so irresistibly attractive to your partner that he will be desperate to reach the bar.
It will take making a decision to turn your attention inwards and working on one questions — why did I so easily give the power over my happiness away.
This gorgeous question allows you to start building a relationship with yourself and getting to know all those beliefs, thoughts and values which led you to where you are today — lonelier than you ever felt possible whilst married to the guy who once upon a time made your heart somersault.
So if you are feeling hopeless about your marriage put the pointy finger of blame away (but not before noticing where the other three fingers are aiming — yes straight back at you).
Here is the simple truth your husband wants to be happy, he wants you to be happy, he even wants to make you happy, but he isn’t 100% responsible for your happiness or even the success of your marriage. If you are unhappy then I can assure you he is too, and sick of feeling defensive and beginning to wonder if there isn’t a better option than the one he currently has.
He wants to love and be loved; so do yourself, your husband and your marriage a favour and work out how to let him love you without handing him the power to make you happy — he doesn’t want that. He wants an equal partnership.
Remember he isn’t your enemy. That is just your mind protecting you, so take a moment to remember the guy you fell in love with in all his gorgeous glory, put him to the side for the moment and turn your attention to falling in love with yourself one glorious step at a time.
So if you are ready to turn your breaking point into the breakthrough moment then lets talk breaking point? Then let's connect, you can find me allisonreiner.com or you can book at connection call with me by clicking this link but whatever you don’t leave until you know how the be 100% happy in love.
In the meantime come over and join my Facebook community, a support network for people who are ready to reignite their love but don’t know how to: Loved Again & Forever