To fit in seems to be the desire most of us want and in our endeavour to fit in we give up who we really are at our core.
Even the rebel souls amongst have a deep rooted desire to fit in, we go in search of like minded souls, whether we are punks, or fitness fanatics we search our our tribe, the validation that we aren’t alone, the connection of like minds.
I am fortunate that in my work I meet so many wonderful men and women who know in their heart that they were meant for more than life is currently giving them. They know this from so deep in their soul, but they have silenced this knowing to bow to the pressure of doing the right thing. To conform with familial or societal norms. They have given the power of their happiness away before they even realise they hold this power, they have been conditioned more often than not by well meaning parents and teachers in order to “fit in.”
To fit in seems to be the desire most of us want and in our endeavour to fit in we give up who we really are at our core. Even the rebel souls amongst have a deep rooted desire to fit in, we go in search of like minded souls, whether we are punks, or fitness fanatics we search our our tribe, the validation that we aren’t alone, the connection of like minds.
To fulfil this desire to belong we must conform, we must give up on our dreams and desires (sometimes before they have even formed in our minds) in order to be accepted – or at least this is what we are led to believe and frankly why would question it – everyone is doing it.
The problem is this form of fitting it leads to such pain and heartache, we make decisions based on other peoples values and beliefs, we live blindly and although on the face of things we may be accepted we will never belong.
Until we can fully accept ourselves and present ourselves to the world as the beautifully flawed, perfectly imperfect creations we are how can we ever truly belong. Until this can happen we are merely playing a part in the drama of life, playing in a drama where the script is written by others trying live on the same principles as ourselves.
In turn pass this on to our children and them to theirs until someone wakens up says “Enough.”
The good wife, the good daughter, employee, friend, mother whatever role we are playing, but at what cost?
Our own happiness is the first important compromise we make to play by these rules, but again there is counter argument to this that I hear so many times, maybe because I used it myself – It isn’t bad enough, other people have it worse than me. That is true but this sort of comparison helps no-one – it keeps you stuck in your own misery, you are unable to feel compassion for those you perceive to be suffering more than you, because they have legitimate reason in you mind to be unhappy and you are just selfish, self centred or greedy or have ideas above your station.
Everyone deserves happiness, and I don’t mean the superficial stuff that comes from the outside, I’m talking about the happiness that lives within us, the peace, contentment and acceptance that allows us to participate in life without anxiety and fear - that base for all we are and all we do. That feeling that no matter what is happening out there in the world, you will be fine, you will survive this and come out stronger, more passionate about life and so much more connected to your inner self, your intuition and to those around you.
This sort of happiness can’t be gained by living our lives by other people’s rules, this comes from the creation of a connection with yourself.
Connection is what living is all about, which is why society goes to such lengths to teach us the rules of engagement – but these don’t take into account that deep soul to soul connection with others which allows us to be truly ourselves, to show the depth of our love, to be open about our fears, show our vulnerabilities and to truly connect with those around us as we are rather than as we have been conditioned to be or present to the world.
We can’t hope to create this sort of connection with others unless we have first created the connection with ourselves, we have made a decision to rip off those masks, and dig deep inside of ourselves to uncover the stories, the fears we have been taught or picked up and taken on as our truths.
We are the captains of our happiness and our job is to navigate the waters deep within us to make friends with the real us.
We often talk of self love being the basis of all connection, all living and loving in the world – but how on earth can one love themselves until they truly know themselves and accept how they are flaws and all.
Our beauty is our imperfection and accepting ourselves as we are and being kind and generous enough to the world to them them know this raw version, it is only possible however when we are content and fully accepting of ourselves, when we now what we stand for, our own core life values, we have unravelled all those beliefs that kept us playing “GOOD” rather than being authentically unashamedly us.
I have learned over the years of my personal journey and development as well as my professional work that there is no such thing as a bad person, what we manifest on the outside is a mirror of how we feel about ourself and the world around us.